I love stories, both real and imagined. I love the path people take to know themselves. All of it is good—even the tricky stuff. Empathy training says when we suffer, we need someone to listen and be present, to hear their story and not try to fix us. For me, it is a gift to bear witness to others’ stories.
As a counselor specializing in trauma and grief and a neurodiverse person supporting neurodiverse people (ADHD and Dyslexia—in my case), I’ve seen and heard A LOT.
My first job out of college was at a weekly newspaper. I was thrilled to put my hard-won English degree to “good use.” Within the first week, my editor Carolyn asked, “Are you retarded?" Oh, how that hurt. She named the story I’d fought to escape throughout schooling since repeating the first grade. I cried at work.
I explained my difficulty with reading and writing things backward—form and from are not the same, even though my brain might see it that way.
Carolyn’s judgment eventually melted, and she made me her project. In the next few months, she helped me identify mistakes and guided me through researching, writing, editing, photographing, and proofing my own articles. The last story I wrote under her care was “Dead Men Tell No Lies,” a profile of the medical examiner. I was in heaven.
Before leaving the job, Carolyn changed my labels from “retarded" to “determined and creative.” I never told her the level of anxiety it took to maintain that image. But, I’m sure my sweaty hands and shaky voice were giveaways.
I also never told Carolyn her label had lasting effects on my story. She reinforced an existing inferiority complex to prove I wasn’t dumb. I doubled down on education and now have two bachelors and two masters degrees. Total overcompensation, for sure! But I’ve used every bit of knowledge in my career as a special education director and clinical mental health counselor.
I struggle with dyslexia and ADHD—daily. Still, I have learned to use them to my advantage. Dyslexia requires adaptable thinking and fortitude. ADHD allows me to quickly process things simultaneously. Medication and executive functioning training make a substantial difference.
Writing is always complicated, but I love it. I make mistakes I can’t always see. Imagine knowing you will walk a path with holes you placed there and are bound to trip. Falling and getting back up is part of my story.
We all have a story to tell. So, speak to me. I’m listening.
Nicolette Croft
Author Traveler Learner
(Throwback pic--Wurzburg, Germany circa 2008)
Article on Neurodiversity
Study on dyslexia and adaptive skills
Berne Brown's Empathy video
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